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Powerwolf: Bible of the beast

31/05/11 || Daemonomania

Daemonomania: Thank you, Ryan.

Ryan Samuel: Just call me daddy cakes.

Womencreamonomania: No really, thank you.

Ryan “Daddy Cakes” Samuel: You’re welcome. (did this just get serious?)

Daemo “Dudes Screamo” Mania: This did just get serious – seriously gay. I’d like to thank you for introducing me to a Saarlandian power metal band and further chipping away at my rapidly diminishing edifice of heterosexuality.

Ryan “Sexual Prowess” Samuel: Anything I can do to help, brother. Fostering your ascent into homosexuality is a lofty enterprise.

Daemonstrably Mincing: Not as lofty as some of those awesome choruses. If I were an evangelist, I may have in fact raised my fist (and fisted god) multiple times. Tell me sir, how’d you come by Powerwolf?

Ryan “Vas Deferens” Samuel: The Abyss did a review of the album on GD (which has since been deleted in one of K’s many pantie rages) and it sounded fun, so I checked it out, and sha-ZOOM, I found one of my top two albums of 2009.

Daeon’task, I’ll tell: Bless The Abyss. Now that sounds like a death/doom album if I’ve ever heard one. Anyway, “Bible of the beast” probably wouldn’t be my FAVE of 2009 had I got it back then, but there’s no denying the merciless catchiness at work. What magic ingredient is present to make it adhere to the gray cells so tenaciously?

Ryan “Squirt Gurgler” Samuel: It’s loaded with awesomesauce. Awesomesauce, in this case, consists of a self-aware attitude towards making big, (un)righteous metal.

Dae Queef Wrangler: True dat. Since we’re deep in here and this is a REVIEW, after all, let me give the audience a quick description of what we’re dealing with.
Powerwolf are part German, part Romanian, and all power. Deep manly vocals backed by a soaring choir tell tongue-in-cheek tales of werewolves and erections accompanied by a Hammond(ish) organ, run of the mill riffs and sufficient drumwork. Anything to add?

Ryan “Maximum Arousal” Samuel: You gave a pretty solid description there, but I must interject, I have to disagree with you on the organs being Hammond(ish). They sound much more akin to a true pipe organ used in a big Gothic looking church, which is very fitting given all their references to Catholicism and the Bible and whatnot. Moving on, it’s not the riffs that usually stick out but it all comes together to be a big, loud, power metal of power. Actually I rather enjoy the guitars in “Resurrection by Erection”, and as far as songwriting is concerned, this album is packed with hits. Not every song is a total home run, but most of them are, and there certainly aren’t any bad songs. It’s guys who dress like vampires and sing songs about werewolves and being Satanic and erections with an awesome manly vocalist. The organ is much than just ear candy, it really brings out the epic cheese in the best possible way. This isn’t grind, or swedeath, or kvlt black metal, or trve thrash, yet it is awesome as any of them.

Daemo “Too Extreme-o” Mania: Not better than “You’ll never see…”, but I’ll be goddamnified if I can pry the hoo-hah! part of “Werewolves of Armenia” out of my head. Two items await your response: 1) do you know you cannot trust a werewolf from the East? 2) why can’t every song be “IG in the morning, Lord Ahriman at night”?

Ryan “Decimate Heterosexuality” Samuel: To answer your first question, if I didn’t before, I certainly know that now. As for the second, I think the readers are just going to have to listen to this and figure it out for themselves. I just want to know one thing though….“Goddamnit, what have I ddddoooooonnnnnneeeeeee!??!?” As a sidenote, would you say that the cover for this album is totally sweet, or totally sweet?

Indaestructible Anal Lining: Ahh, you refer to “Penis in the pentigram”, not one of the more apparent hits but still a good tune. The cover is sweet, that is clear.
And how close does the last song sound to “Warriors of the world” by Manowar (the only Manowar tune I know thanks to a completely shitty music video I saw once many moons ago)?

Ryan “Erectile Superfunction” Samuel: I never heard that song so I checked it out. Apparently modern Manowar is tepid, flaccid, and flat out boring. That song doesn’t hold a candle to anything on “Bible of the Beast” and the comparison is
blasphemous! Also, listening to “Wolves Against the World”, when the song picks up in the middle, it makes me take back what I said earlier; the guitars on this album ARE pretty cool, along with everything else that is awesome. They’re not playing Yngwie, but they sure do write catchy songs.

Dbeat dmeat: They may play Yngwie on their Romanian stereo systems superloud without earplugs in their spare time. Anyway, the choruses to those two songs DO sound the same. Well, we’ve spent a lot of time talking about very little. I’m gonna go with an 8.5, recommend that those predisposed to cheese pick up “Bible…” right away, and that being heavy in the morning necessitates being metal at night. Last words, sir?

Ryan “Discordance Pap Smear” Samuel: As a word of warning, I would probably keep innocent Catholic girls away from the dudes because I’m pretty sure they would love nothing more than to spoil their innocence. That being said, I would be resurrected by these guys’ erections any day. I’m not big on giving out album scores, but it’s GD, so I’d say it’s an 8.5 to a 9 for me. Rock out with your cock out and be sure to keep plenty of silver bullets handy.

Daespoiler of Children: Done and done.

8,5

Information
Released: 2009
Label: Metal Blade
Website: Powerwolf MySpace
Band
Attila Dorn: vocals
Matthew Greywolf: guitars
Falk Maria Schlegel: keyboards, hairy organs
Charles Greywolf: bass
Stefan Funèbre: drums

Tracklist
01. Raise Your Fist, Evangelist
02. Moscow After Dark
03. Panic in the Pentagram
04. Catholic in the Morning… Satanist at Night
05. Seven Deadly Saints
06. Werewolves of Armenia
07. We Take the Church by Storm
08. Resurrection by Erection
09. Midnight Messiah
10. St. Satan’s Day
11. Wolves Against the World

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